#6 The Power of Music

I had a really crummy day today. An episode with a really cantankerous students sort of took the wind out of my sails. It wasn't his fault that my day turned sour exactly. Rather, it was probably my fault in that I let the interaction get the better of me. Teaching is such a humbling profession.

After taking the bus home this evening, I called my mom, went for a run, and took a long, hot shower. All of those things helped, but what really put my day back on kilter was my band. I spent to long wallowing in my own self-reflection, and, ashamedly, did not get out of my house on time to get to practice. I forced myself to go even though I wasn't in the mood for socializing. I almost bailed on the way, noticing that not only my self esteem but also my car was running on the thinnest of fumes. But I went. Sometimes showing up is half the battle, isn't it?

Like almost every Tuesday evening, Arlington Community Band raised my spirits. I was the only member of my section that came to rehearsal, and the entire band voiced their appreciation when I arrived. A good feeling to realize you are part of something bigger than yourself. Despite the fact that I am a washed up college player, I don't practice, and I have some pitiful exposed solos that make even myself cringe, I feel good in that space. Our director is cooky and encouraging; I don't feel like the same kind of apprehensive, timid musician I was in college. I am somehow more willing to take risks, play in the wrong spots, and get the wrong notes (probably this is much to the chagrin of our very optimistic director!). I have more fun with it than I did in college when I was scared to lose face in front of my section/those sitting near me/the band by making mistakes or asking questions. I suppose my relationship with music has never been an easy one.

Community band is not the most sophisticated. Much of the music I played in high school or college. Many players are rusty like me. I make a ton of mistakes and know I am not playing as well as I could or should, but they still let me be section head. Every time I go, I feel better. The concentration of music and the kind of musical intelligence activated is different than what I do during the day. The social structure doesn't require me to be an instructor, a leader, or even a nice person. The identity I get to take there is probably the me most stripped of anything else. I am "horn 1," and I like to be this person. It's good for me.

The opportunity to step outside of myself and do something where I get to be part of the collective is energizing. I lose track of time and am often surprised when the entire two hours has whizzed by. Yes, music is a good remedy for even the cruddiest of days.

For a short look at our winter 2009 concert closer, "Stars and Stripes Forever," watch the YouTube video, below.